The ten levels of smartphone de-addiction
I fear my phone.
You should too.
I used to look at the fucker for 6 hours a day.
6 hours of dog videos, geo-politics, watch reviews, ww3 scenarios, politics in Somalia (very interesting, actually), and FUD about every financial market and asset class.
I used to scroll all the time. And I grew sick of it. The brain rot was disabling my ambition. So to purge my mind of this disease that is smartphone addiction, I came up with a simple ten-step process. Here it is. Free of charge for you, because I know you’re not going to use it.
Level 1: Don’t check your phone for 30 minutes after waking up.
Just sit there. In silence. Like a psychopath.
Level 2: No phone in the Boom Boom Room.
Yeah, that includes scrolling while peeing, you kakkoose goblin.
Level 3: No phone for 90 minutes after reaching work.
Use your peak brain power for work, deep thinking or daydreaming about quitting — anything beats Instagram. And no, it does not help you "stay informed about everything". That's called a newspaper, you zombie.
Level 4: Watch one full episode of a TV show without checking your phone.
Yes, even if it’s that reality show you’re watching Love Island with your girlfriend/boyfriend/SO.
Level 5: Watch an entire movie in a theater without checking your phone.
This one is easy, if you actually read a review, and take 30 seconds to pick a good movie, it will keep you captivated.
Level 6: Watch an entire movie at home without checking your phone.
No pausing to Google "Who is that actor?" or "Who's this actresses's husband?" You will sit in ignorance. You will pretend like its 1985. You will check after the feature presentation.
Level 7: After a meeting or tough task, resist checking your phone.
Instead, sit down, sip water, and think about your ancestors. They fought wars. You just survived a Zoom call where your boss said that your work is crap and you aren't focussed.
Level 8: Read a book for 30 minutes without checking your phone.
Not Reddit. Not your landlord’s angry texts. Not an article about how modern dating is broken. A real book, one that you can’t scroll, one with dog ears.
Level 9: Sit in a doctor’s office without touching your phone.
Think of your ancestors again. They sat in jails, marched for salt, and wove their own garments. They fought and died for your freedom, and you’re losing it to a piece of plastic? Shame. Shame. Puppy. Shame.
Level 10 (Final boss): When she leaves you for a guy with better hair, better jokes, and a better smile, don’t check your phone. Just cry. Because if you check your phone, you’ll see that he just raised a 40$ million seed funding round, and it’ll only feel worse.
Congratulations, you're cured. But really, delete the Instagram/tiktok app. Use it via mobile browser once a week to see the shitty memes your friends send you. And regain yourself.